Prioritize Your Mental Well-Being: Six Focus Areas for Change
The January 1st cover of The New Yorker was a woman sitting in front of her home office computer screen — presumably at midnight on New Year’s Eve — turning to watch the fireworks from her window. There’s an empty bowl and spoon on top of her printer and a mug on top of a pile of spreadsheets. The illustration is titled “Deadline”. This scenario hit a nerve for me. It’s happening to so many professionals right now. The already blurred lines between work and non-work time seem to have completely crumbled.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. NAMI – the National Alliance on Mental Illness – has a campaign called Take the Moment – promoting the “normalizing of taking moments to prioritize mental health care without guilt or shame”. Moments away are causing us “guilt and shame”. The long hours, right out of bed (and sometimes in the middle of the night), with few to no breaks, into our evenings – are destroying our physical and mental well-being. An ironic consideration is, despite these sacrifices, are the quality and impact of our resulting work really that much better for it? And is it worth the cost?
Despite the sense of urgency to go-go-go — to get ahead, to compete, to win, to take every available moment to work toward a goal or deliverable — we’ve got to step up and prioritize our mental well-being. Our health depends upon it. “Put your mask on first” was a comment a participant made in a recent workshop we held for women founders of tech startups. We need to find ways and replace behaviors to help us even out that tendency to fill every available moment with thought and action devoted to our work. Here are a few that are short on time but big on impact.
1. Your wake-up routine. Practicing a slower, calmer, low-stress routine for your first 30 minutes awake can make a big difference in how your day goes. Instead of jumping right into Slack, email, or world news, plan to wake up with enough time to take those 30 minutes to journal, stretch, or do some yoga. Meditate, play with your pet, or go for a walk. Search “low dopamine morning” to get more ideas.
2. Physical movement. We know what the research says: physical exercise boosts our mood, helps us sleep, and gives us better focus and concentration. It helps with self-confidence and reduces the production of that pesky stress hormone cortisol. Make an appointment with yourself to get in 30 minutes of movement every day.
A word of caution: Being too competitive and demanding of yourself with your exercise habit can be counterproductive. Negative self-talk or ignoring your body’s signals to slow down work at cross purposes with your well-being. If this sounds like you, try reframing exercise as a time to do something good for yourself, no matter how far or fast you can go that day.
3. Asking for help. Why, oh why, is it so hard to ask for help? Asking for collaboration or assistance from others is a chance to build trust, strengthen relationships, and broaden our resources. If you’re hesitant to ask others for assistance –for work, family responsibilities, homecare, or volunteer projects, consider reframing the ask as an opportunity for others to contribute and showcase their skills. The quality of your outcome is likely to improve with the broader skill sets of more than just yours. It can also be an opportunity to teach. Building relationships with others before you need their help is obviously ideal -- where can you be of assistance?
Try this exercise: Make a list of projects or activities you’ve asked for help with over the last month. Now make a second column of what you wish you’d asked for help with but didn’t. Look at that second list and circle at least one thing that you could still ask for help with. Then do it.
4. Time for Me. Ah, what a delightful idea. Time alone to wander, read, soak, write, meditate, sleep, perchance to dream…
But how do we make it happen? And yes, we are the one that needs to make it happen -- by preparing, planning, and working the plan. No one else is going to do this for us.
Whether you’re planning a break, an evening, or a few days alone - prepare for uninterrupted Me Time by:
Choosing a good location (where you’re less likely to be interrupted or distracted)
Managing expectations of your family, friends, and colleagues ahead of time about when you will and won’t be available
Finding a partner to act as your go-to while you’re away – and communicate that to others. (I don’t like calling this partnership “covering” for you – it sounds like you’re doing something prohibited or secretive).
Set your devices to Do Not Disturb (or put them away altogether)
Above all, do your best to be aware of and reframe thoughts of “I really shouldn’t be doing this,” or “I don’t deserve this.” Be consistent with designated Me Time as a measure of your health – just like eating, sleeping, and taking medicine. If you’re having trouble with this, try it out for a few days in small doses and write down how it affected your mood, focus, and clarity.
5. Support network. While plenty of research shows the positive mental health benefits of a quality social support network (your friends, peers, and family that provide emotional and practical assistance and a sense of connectedness), we got even more validation of its importance during the isolation of COVID.
It pays to build your social support network before you need it. Nurture your existing circles while you build new relationships. Prioritize the relationships that provide positive experiences and make you feel good about yourself. Spend the most time on those that reduce your stress (not add to it), support your goals and health, and provide a nurturing experience when you spend time together.
6. Sleep routine. How do you prepare for a good night’s sleep? The hours – and quality – of our sleep time are proven to impact our emotional stability, stress levels, and physical health. Good sleep time is required to help our brain function properly – including memory and problem-solving. Our brains are building and reinforcing our neural pathways while we sleep -- so we can maximize our learning and problem-solving while we’re awake.
The 30-60 minutes before bedtime can set you up for a good – or bad - night’s sleep. Do your best to avoid blue-light screen time or engage in exercise or work in that last hour before bedtime. Instead, wind down your brain and body with light reading, relaxing music, audiobooks or guided meditation, a warm soak, or journaling. Most people sleep better with near-to-complete darkness and cool temperatures. Experiment to see what works best for you.
Cortisol spikes: Our brains produce the hormone cortisol during the day as a “fight-or-flight” aid – in reaction to stressors we interpret as threats (deadlines, conflict, and fears associated with our work or family life… things most of us experience daily). While we’re sleeping, our brains sometimes release cortisol in the middle of the night – a “spike” - causing us to wake and feel symptoms of anxiety or even dread. While this physical remnant of our ancestors' days of survival isn’t so practical for us anymore, we can work with it by managing stress levels during the day, exercising, and being aware that these spikes are a normal part of our brain’s chemistry. Recognize it for what it is to keep your mind from “spiraling” into worry when it happens.
The demands of work and family probably aren’t letting up any time soon. It’s up to us to acknowledge our responsibility to ourselves and our loved ones to look for healthy behavior changes we can make and incorporate every day. “Take the moment” to prioritize your mental well-being and “put your mask on first.”
People and Culture Leadership Group helps busy professionals improve their work relationships, reduce stressful conflict, and carve out meaningful time away. Get in touch with us for a complimentary chat to see how we can help you or your team members prevent burnout and create a healthy well-being balance.
Kellie Conn, SPHR is a coach, culture consultant, and co-founder of People and Culture Leadership Group.